What does it mean to be co-dependent in a relationship ?

People say we're co-dependent but we just want to be together all the time,” Kelly told HELLO! magazine.

We spoke to relationship expert Kate Taylor,

What does it mean to be co-dependent in a relationship?

“It doesn’t mean you just want to be together all the time,” Kate explained.

Instead, she told us that being co-dependent means putting your partner’s interests before your own.
“Co-dependency is where one person in a relationship takes on the caretaker role, looking after their partner to a degree that actually interferes with their own life."

This means ignoring what’s best for yourself and only doing what’s important for your other half.

She continued: “A co-dependent person will neglect their own ambitions, interests, goals, opinions, friends, money and self-interest in favour of doing what they believe is best for their partner.”

Kelly Osbourne and Matthew Mosshart have been together since July 2011 [Rex]Is it healthy to be co-dependent?

Kate added that it’s normal for people – particularly women – to look after their partners, but it becomes co-dependency when you put their interests ahead of your own.

“I think many people (especially females, but not exclusively) have a tendency to nurture their partners. This is normal – and nice!” she reassured us.

“Where it becomes co-dependency – and thereby not particularly healthy – is where taking care of a partner takes precedence over taking care of themselves.”


Kate also hinted that perhaps Kelly has inherited co-dependency traits from her mother Sharon, who put her career on hold for husband Ozzy.
“I think it’s interesting that Kelly says people call her co-dependent, as we could speculate that her mother Sharon’s relationship with Ozzy has co-dependent traits,” she suggested.

“Sharon gave up her own career to become Ozzy’s manager, and has had to become the head of the household due to Ozzy’s poor health.”

Sharon Osbourne and Ozzy have co-dependency traits, according to Kate [Rex]What impact does co-dependency have on a relationship?

Being co-dependent as a couple can have negative effects on your relationship, according to Kate.

“It blurs the boundaries – taking care of a partner can lead to your taking on their opinions too, for example,” she said.

You may end up feeling like you can’t make a decision on your own – while your partner may start to feel resentful towards you controlling their life.

“You can’t make an independent decision or choice - you run everything through your partner’s filter and choose what would be best for them,” she explained.

“You submerge your own individuality. Your partner may feel controlled and resentful.”

What advice would you give to couples who think they are co-dependent?

The first thing to do is identify whether you are a co-dependent couple – or just happily in love.

“Don’t rush to assume you’re co-dependent if you simply love being together all the time! That’s not co-dependency, that’s being in love,” she explained.

And if you’re placing your partner’s interests ahead of your own but you both still benefit, that’s not co-dependency and you shouldn’t be concerned.
“Some couples take turns in the relationship for the sake of both of them achieving their dreams – for example one person might work in a job they don’t like while the other finishes a longed-for college degree,” she said.

But if you realise that your own life is being swept under the carpet, it’s important to take the necessary steps to fix your relationship, she told us.

“Ask yourself why you’ve placed your partner higher on the ladder: is it a natural step?” she advised.

“Are you scared they can’t cope without you? Is it easier to focus on their dreams rather than your own? Are you avoiding something? Or are you simply suffering from low self-esteem?”

If you’re having trouble coming to terms with your relationship issues, Kate recommends seeing a counsellor to work through your problems and help you to find  the way into a healthier dynamic.

Are you co-dependent on a partner