How Kate and William’s Life will change after the new Royal Baby arrive

Just because Kate Middleton and Prince William will have someone else to do night feeds when the royal baby arrives, the actual Queen to babysit and a person whose sole job it is to remove all signs of baby vomit from their home*, it doesn’t mean they’re not going to find this parenting business hard.
1. You know how you used to talk about fashion, and politics, and books, and food and holidays? Yeah, now you talk about poo. 
2. Kate, just give in to temptation and taste your own breast milk. Wills, just give in to temptation and taste Kate’s breast milk.
3. It's obligatory to tell NCT friends that your baby is 'sleeping through the night' by the time they are three months old. If they are not sleeping through the night by the time they are three months old, then there is one thing for it, and that is to tell yourself that midnight until 3am is ‘the night’ and LIE.
4. All hideous baby outfits bought by well-wishers must be worn and photographed, so you have proof that they were used before you take them down to the charity shop.
Kate Middleton, we've even found time for you to straighten your hair5. You will never again eat wholegrain mustard. It’s best if we don’t go into why.
6. The girl who seems a tiny bit too friendly at NCT has the potential to be your stalker for the next 18 years, so bear that in mind when you invite her round for coffee.

7. Eco-friendly? Not any more, you’re not. Yes, that is the tumble dryer on again.
8. You know the old expression; when your baby’s sleeping, you should be straightening your hair? OK, fine, it’s not an old expression, but it is a true expression. It’s the only time you’ll get to do it, Kate, and you have a lot of hair so stop reading this and plug in those GHDs.
9. You know how you were worried about the colour of the changing mat cover? It’s going to be wee-coloured, anyway, so don’t stress about it.
11. Put Dairy Milks/ Duchy’s Originals nearby for when you’re breastfeeding because sudden movements will wake the baby up, and you are going to need to mainline chocolate.
12. Same applies for the TV remote, and pre-records of TOWIE/ Hollyoaks/ anything else on TV you previously thought was rubbish.
13. No-one likes a baby bore, so do remember to ask people about their own lives too. Something like “Been to any good parties lately, Harry?” or “What’s that pesky husband of yours been up to now, Zara?” should lead to a fun, lively chat.
*probably